A Smorgasbord of Weddings Around the World!

by Keith Carey

It's June, and the summer heat is just beginning. The romance from the springtime is extended one more month for the annual month for weddings.

We think of a wedding as a happy occasion. Even ordinary women look stunningly beautiful in a wedding dress. The flowers are meticulously arranged, and there is hope and joy in the air. It's a time of a happy, new beginning for the couple.

This month, we will think of weddings, and the marriage relationship among the unreached. In some cases, we will be describing happy occasions, and in others, the situation faced will be grim. Let us start with types of marriages.

The Western Ideal: Marriage Based on Romance
About 30 years ago, certain social scientists in the West were predicting that marriage would soon become obsolete. People didn't need a marriage license to live together and have children, they said. Sociologists predicted temporary marriages, and other offbeat arrangements. It's interesting how they thought that an institution that was as old as mankind would dissolve because of modernization. No one taught all the civilizations of the world that there needed to be life-long commitments between one man and one woman; but it happened in almost every society, even those that are isolated from all others. But here we are in the 21st century, and 85-90 percent are still getting married, according to an article published by Montana State University.

In cultures like those in Latin America, sex roles are well defined, while these roles are more muddled in societies like urban North America. But the deciding factor for whether the couple will wed is romance. Often the family of each partner has little or no say as to whether or not there will be a wedding. After all, the two have to live with each other.

The Eastern Ideal: Marriages Arranged By Families
The basis for marriage in traditional cultures tends to be completely different. In these cultures, people believe that two families are uniting in the marriage of two individuals. Therefore, the family must be involved, though in many cases, they invite the input of the couple as well. The extended family provides guidance for the young couple. They believe that young couples are too inexperienced to make such important life-long decisions on their own. Family elders can provide a reality check for young men and women who have little experience in weathering life's ups and downs.

One Indian man put it bluntly when talking with Steve Duncan of Montana State University: "You Americans with your ideas about love are fools. Look at your 50 percent divorce rates. You start out with hot romance like a cauldron of bubbling water, and it doesn't take long before the heat dies down and the water becomes cold. In India, we have the opposite. Our marriages start out lukewarm and slowly as we live together, raise our families, face our disappointments and crises, the water heats up, and gradually it begins to bubble. Romantic love is passing. It is commitment and working together that matter. When are you Americans going to figure that out?"

There is a good side and a bad side of arranged marriages. As the Indian gentleman pointed out, family commitment is an important reason why arranged marriages seldom end in divorce like they too often do in cultures where romance is the key.

However, arranged marriages are frequently made for the economic needs of the extended family. There is often some form of payment between families involved, which can be dehumanizing to the couple. If the girl's family is expected to give the boy's family a down payment, and they renege, his family will sometimes kill her. If the boy is expected to work for his father-in-law to pay for his bride-to-be, he is sometimes treated as a slave (See Gen. 30-31 for an example).

Dysfunctional Forms of Marriage
Both of these major forms of marriage have their merits and their demerits. But there are some forms of "marriage" that have no redeeming value.

There are the "Las Vegas quickies" that we have here in America. A couple will go to Las Vegas, or some other place in Nevada, and have a cheap wedding without the consent or acknowledgement of their families. It's no wonder that Nevada also has the highest divorce rate.

In Iran, there is something they call a "temporary marriage," where the couple is "married" for a given time. Sunni Muslims reject the idea of temporary marriage, while Shi'ite societies, like Iran, approve it as being acceptable according to the Koran. Needless to say, this arrangement allows men to enjoy sexual freedom without taking responsibility.

In southern Ethiopia, there are tribes that have a brutal way to start a marriage. The "groom" if you can call him that, and his henchmen will kidnap the girl that he wants to marry. The "groom" will rape her at least once. Sometimes he will continuously do this until she is pregnant. The next day, the elders from the man's village will apologize to the girl's family, and ask them to agree to a wedding. Since the girl is no longer a virgin, no one will want to marry her, so the girl's family consents in most cases.

Certain Tibetan Buddhist peoples like the Mosuo give women the freedom to sleep with a number of men. In some of these cultures, there is no word for father, only for uncle. Children seldom know who their real father is.

What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?
The Bible does not forbid arranged marriages. In fact, that was the custom among people at the time the Bible was written. Yet there is no indication that God would forbid marriage based on romance either. (Isaac & Rebekah, Gen. 24:67; Jacob & Rachel, 29:20,30; Boaz & Ruth, Ruth 2:2-4.) But there are certain things that are essential in God's eyes.

First of all, marriage for a Christian must be with another Christian. Then, the marriage must be permanent. There is no such thing as a "temporary marriage" in Christianity. "I hate divorce," said the Lord in Malachi 2:16. A couple of verses earlier, He says that the wife is a man's partner from the "marriage covenant." Covenant is a very strong word. It refers to an unbreakable agreement.

Ephesians 5:25-33 exhorts husbands to love their wives in a way that demonstrates commitment, protection, and self-sacrifice. He is to "give himself up" for her in the same sacrificial way that Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church. That's a big order! But notice that Paul in Ephesians doesn't say anything about passion or romance. Perhaps some of our Christian marriage seminars have focused on cultural values more than God's values.

Wives are to "submit" to their husbands, according to Ephesians 5:22-24. Submit means to yield or to surrender to another's authority, according to the American Heritage Dictionary. (This authority, of course should be worthy of respect and confidence.)The word 'submit' has negative connotations in our culture. After all, we are a people who pride ourselves on not submitting to anyone. Our popular heroes are people who "go it alone," and often defy the established order. We have rebellious children and a high divorce rate to show for it. In Ephesians 5:21(NIV), we are told to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Perhaps we need to heed this advice despite what our culture teaches us.

Out of love for his wife, a husband must make decisions that are in her best interest. And if he has common sense, he will include her in the decision-making process.

Our Loving Heavenly Father wants all peoples to enjoy a joyful marital life. But He is even more concerned that we become part of the bride of Christ, and that we enter a holy covenant with Him.

Let Us Pray!

• Pray that the Lord will bless the marriages of His people around the world in a way that will draw men and women to Himself.
• Pray that some from every people group we pray for this month will turn to the Bridegroom.