Will American Families Help or Hinder Reaching the Unreached in North America?

- by Delisa Harris

There are often some stark contrasts between secular American families and immigrant families that come to our shores. Immigrant family groups include great-grandparents, grandparents, several siblings, many parents and their children. They have great aunts, uncles, as well as all their families who sometimes live in one giant household. Needless to say, the unreached people groups have their own dysfunctional characteristics, and they are far from ideal. But in many ways these immigrant families come closer to biblical standards than secularized, overly independent American families.

It wasn't always this way. Before America's Industrial Revolution, families lived together, worked together and met the needs of one other just as they did in the rest of the world. Americans who ran family farms or family businesses could not have survived if members separated and became independent of each other like they do today. There was no choice but to remain in an extended family. But as American society became more urbanized and people began to work for others outside the family, the pattern slowly dissolved.

America, which is known all over the world for being a "Christian" nation, has abandoned biblical family values and adopted secularized ones. The American family has been disintegrating over the last century. We have reached the point that close to 40 percent of our adult population is single, compared to closer to three percent in the year 1900. The divorce rate is about 50 percent. American society today has redefined our families to include only a husband and wife and perhaps children. American family members endure economic, physical and emotional distance from one another. As immigrants integrate into American society, they will adopt our dysfunctional, unbiblical patterns. Only obedience to biblical teachings can solve the rampant problems of American families that threaten to infect the rest of the world.

Materialism and Independence: The American Idols
When parents are not committed to their spouses they divorce and the family splits up. Why don't family members provide the accountability to prevent husbands and wives from destroying their marriages? Often it's because people think that it's none of their business. The results are tragic. Children from broken homes or single family homes may have never seen or known their fathers and mothers living together. They grow up without committed male or female role models. This is far from what God intended!

From a young age, children are taught by their parents to be independent. Aging parents often pride themselves on being independent of their children. Dependency is the last thing that family members want. Americans think that dependency is a sign of weakness. Dependency can be a weakness if there isn't any give and take. How do we distinguish between healthy and unhealthy dependency?

Whe1n infants are born, they are completely dependent on their parents to care for them and meet their needs. As they grow older, children learn to meet their own needs and the needs of others. One-way dependency ideally morphs into loving interdependency, not independence.

Materialism is promoted in our society to the point that people can't even think of having children because they can't afford to give everything to them that our society say they "should" have; some have abortions. The self-centeredness of the independent, materialistic life contrasts starkly with what the Bible teaches about putting others before yourself. "Life a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us…(Eph. 5:1b, NIV).

What Does the Bible Say?
The Bible tells us that loving, mutually-dependent family relationships were God's ideal since the time of Adam and Eve. The Bible teaches that relationships of mutual dependency are both good and very important to God. This begins with a dependent relationship with God. Getting to know God and developing a relationship with Him begins by being raised by godly, caring parents. Our relationships with our parents help us understand our relationship with God. Parents who establish close, dependent relationships with God can help pass on this legacy to their children. It is in this relationship that believers can bring glory to the Creator. Our highest priority should be our relationship with God followed by our relationship with family and community (Matt. 22:37-39).

Since the sin of Adam and Eve, there have been no perfect family relationships. But healing has come from Jesus, the Great Healer, and our broken relationships with God and others can be restored because of what Jesus did on the cross. God desires us to be whole and to be a reflection of His holiness before Him and to the world around us.

Where Do We Go From Here?
In order to reach unreached people g1roups, it is time that we seriously look at our own families and see how we can live in the way that God intended. We don't want to transplant unbiblical family values to other cultures either in North America or through mission efforts abroad. Some people in Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist cultures see the American family and decide that they don't want to have anything to do with American "religion," Christianity. For this reason, they may never give Jesus a chance to work in their lives.

Are we willing to change our view of family so it reflects God's intent? We as parents need to train our children to understand the meaning of family and of communal living, as well as the biblical basis for serving one another, healthy dependency, and imparting wisdom and encouragement to each other. The Bible teaches us how to honor and respect the elderly. A good way to do this is to view our seniors as life coaches, just as God intended. According to the book of James, true religion is to look after the orphans and widows. These are people who have no community or family to care for them. This category can include people who have parents but are not being parented in a godly way. Women who have lost their husbands or have husbands who do not love, care, protect, or provide for them are like widows who need our care. Let's re-think the way we do mission work to make sure we are helping to strengthen, not weaken families.

Let's Pray!